Ponderings
I have been pondering attractiveness. What makes us attractive and what attracts us to certain people and not to others? I don't mean just in a sexual way but those people that we want to be our friends and those we would prefer not to be our friends.
This contemplation started while we were looking at the old Camp Wamava pictures. I saw myself in those pictures and with the exception of one or two...they were terrible pictures but real pictures of me at those ages. I look at those photos and wonder about myself. I have never thought of myself as attractive but always felt liked and wanted among my peers and didn't give too much thought to the fact that I wasn't beautiful. When I run into other old campers from Wamava, they all tell me that I was girl the boys wanted to like them. Why was that?
Also, in looking at those pictures, there were girls who I didn't spend much time with...they seemed dorky or boring or something and when I look at those pictures I can see that they were gorgeous. What were we missing? Why do we choose who we choose?
It has to be something other than physical attraction.
What makes us beautiful? What makes us appealing to those around us?
I don't why this has been in my head for so long but I finally decided to ask a bigger audience what they think about this crazy thing that I am pondering.
posted by julie @ 9:41 PM
7 Comments:
You have always been genuine. No masks, no walls, no prejudices. Anyone, male or female, young or old, recognizes and appreciates that and are attracted to it!
I've always liked the quote which goes something like, "The heart has reasons reason knows nothing of." I think it applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. It always blows my mind when someone wants to spend time with me because my self-esteem is not so great. But as I've matured (hopefully!) I've learned to not question it but instead be grateful for a friend, no matter how unlikely that friend may be.
You are so right, Malia. But it was hard not to question when I saw myself through the camera's lens and everyone else looks exactly as I remember them...so, I know that it doesn't lie. Being human is an adventure but being human with Christ's eyes to see through is totally amazing and dumbfounding.
I think the boys liked you because you were just being you - no pretenses. That's how you are. That's what I love about you. Most little girls are not that confident in themselves and who they are. I certainly wasn't. I was one of those other girls you wouldn't have spent time with - I lived in fear. I was dorky and boring because I was afraid to be me. I didn't know who "me" was. I have since grown into myself and am comfortable with the fact that I am who God made me. That proves my theory just in the fact that we're friends now. Isn't God good?
I LOVE this question Julie! I have found that wherever I seem to live I am able to find a friend that has a certain type of spirit about them. I can look back over all my friends and see a common spirit in all of them. I think we are attracted to friends by their spirits mostly (although I think all my girlfriends are nice looking too! :) ) They are each unique, but there is part of their heart that I know is my "friend" type. I think our hearts knows it long before we truly realize it and that's what attracts us. Do I sound like a total nut now?
Brenda, I love your "friend" type analysis...do our spirits match? Maybe that is the question that we should ask when meeting new people. And no, I don't think that you are crazy...just a deep thinker.
Candy, I think that we would have been friends when we were younger also...we would've recognized each others' woundedness. So many times that is what draws us together.
May I weigh in with my own thoughts?
As others have said, I have always found you attractive due to your honesty and forthrightness. You were the person that you put forth. You were, and are I am sure, fun to be around, compassionate, caring, and fair to others. Those are attractive qualities in anyone.
But I also believe that attractiveness can be influenced by our mood at certain times. I always find my wife attractive but at times for different reasons. Sometimes it is because of the way that she deals with the children, her tenderness. Sometimes it is because of the way she makes me feel like a man.
But, I am sad to say, that there are times when I feel lonely, when life gets busy and my wife and I are not as close as we would like to be, when I no longer feel that I am desirable to her, and I begin to see someone else as attractive. Someone who might show me that I am still wanted and desired. Even though this is an inappropriate form of attraction, I believe it might also be called lust; if I allow my own emotions of loneliness and selfishness to continue to rule, then I could easily find myself in a situation where desire and want can disguise itself as attraction of a more noble kind.
Rosie Odonnell said to Meg Ryan in "Sleepless in Seattle", "You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie."
To often we confuse desire with true spiritual attraction. I may not always want to be around my wife and I may be angry with her, but there is always something about her that keeps me coming back to get that relationship right. That's attractiveness.
I think anyway...
Sorry for the sermon.
I've always been attracted to people that I've felt totally accepted by. These days I'm trying to get past that more egocentric way of approaching friendships and broaden my response to people who maybe need my acceptance. (Wow, that was a mouthful.) Anytime that happens, it's God doing for me what I can't do for myself.
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